This Time Last Year, I Quit My Job
This time last year, I quit my job. And for some [significant] reason, I remembered that today. So once I remembered, I searched through my old journals to find the day I wrote about it.
What’s funny is I didn’t actually journal on the day I quit. I wrote about the days leading up to it, wrote on what I now presume is the night before I gave my notice, and wrote an entry on the day after my last day. The common thread among all these entries? The reason why I was quitting.
If you really know me, you know the things I went through at that job. Few people know the various daily unfortunate happenings that occurred while I was there. Yet, while reading these old personal journal entries, my reasons for quitting were deeper than my disdain for my circumstance and position during that time. I was quitting because I needed to get back to “me.” If that job taught me nothing else, in mentally flashing back to that season via the readings of my own thoughts, being in that position showed me that I had to get back to doing what I’ve done/always wanted to do/continue to [set out to] do - music and modeling.
In hesitantly choosing to end my first, major, consistent flow of income, I decided to cut the shit. Stop BS’ing this on train called life and do what I moved to New York for and have vividly dreamed about since I was a little girl. So why did I remember that today? Why, on this day, did I remember that I quit my first “big girl job” a year ago to delve myself into music and modeling. I think I remembered it today because of what I’ve been feeling recently - stagnant, complacent, and confused.
Yes, I’ve made strides since then. I’ve had some great opportunities in both music and modeling since then. But have I done enough? Am I doing enough? No. Why not? Because I admittedly get in my own way. And I so badly want to change that, yet struggle with how to do so. Constantly. Thus, today I brought it up in conversation with a few friends. Through our conversations and somehow (*really via God; no coincidence) realizing that it’s been just a bit over 365 days that I left my last job to dive deeply into the real “job” I want/life I want to live…it’s just interesting to me.
My last day at that previous company was May 9, 2013. I’m posting this on May 15, 2014 in the midst of feeling conflicted and confused about where I currently am (mentally, career wise, financially, etc.)
There’s a reason why I remembered this time last year during this moment this year. I can’t let go of why I chose to take that leap and make that big change then. I can’t. And if it takes me reading those entries over and over to do so, then so be it.
Remember why you started, Morgan. Remember why you started.